I want to become a space scientist!

Well I'm starting to write this blog not knowing what I want to write about. I m writing yet, because of this irresistable urge to write. So as of now I don't know what I want to write about.
thinking.. thinking .. er.. hmm.. Oh today I was going through this rough notebook of mine. It's my rough notebook from 7th std. I had these scribblings on various subjects- math, science ,english, tamil, hindi , interspersed with these favourite quotes from everywhere ranging from Reader's Digest to unheard of -tamil movie-song -lyrics.

It was not exactly a walk down memory lane because I did not remember most of those things. It was more of soul searching. I had wanted to alway stand out in a crowd, do something unique, things like that.It was like finding out who I really was, who I really wanted to become before external factors started influencing me. By external factors , I mean factors like competition, knowing that there are thousands of others who want to be the exact same thing, knowing that college is not like what they show in movies. Well for one- we do not carry just one notebook and a tiffin box. We carry piles and piles of xeroxes and notes and notebooks and a stinky lab coat that has never met a washing machine before, and of course tiffin box. In grad school its even worse- It's like you are back in school. The huge bag and a lunch box - only difference- this time its a lot heavier (because of the laptop) and so are you. Its like a reverse evoultion cycle- the famous crouched man to erect man chart- its just the opposite. you are born erect and you end up all stoopy in the end. Funny- I am listening to 'khoon' chala now on youtube. ( Sorry I couldnt resist the mokkai)

Oops I digressed. like I warned- this is a very off -the -top- of- my- head- post. Anyways, like I was saying, as long as you are unaware of the external factors like money, salary, pressure, luck, - reality to be precise, you are blissfully ignorant as a kid. We ve all wanted to do exotic stuff like become a pilot or a space scientist or a film star or an interior decorator/psychologist/architect in my case. Did any of us grow up saying we wanted to become a system analyst or a microbiologist or a professor? I hope not. But I am sure some of you geeks did. As you grow up, the fog clears and you stand there face to face with reality.

Reality:" Space scientist? ha aha ha"
Kid:" Ok ok, I wont. Can I become a doctor?"
Reality:" Doctor? ha aha ha. Space scientist may be easier".
Kid: " Ok.. what other choice do I have?"
Reality: " Choice? ha ha ha".

Kid grows up, studies hard and joins an engineering college (surprise!!) just like thousands of other kids,works hard to become a software engineer in Infosys ( surprise), just like thousands of other kids,works hard to come to America with dollar dreams, just like few more thousands of other kids , works his ass off , also falls in love with similar girl kid who works for Microsoft, and just about when they are about to get married, some bank on Wall street screws up and the kid goes back to India for good, the girl kid's parents suddenly reject the guy kid because obviously he s not good for their princess any more and both of them return to the place where it all started. Again, just like thousands of other kids.


Phew! One heck of a depressing story. Anyways the point I am trying to make is - well not much of a point but a scary observation is that when we are kids we all strive to be unique. But slowly, as we grow up, we give up and at some point our desire to be unique fades out slowly and we start wanting to 'fit in'.Fitting in in college, grad school, u.s, work place, social circle, in-laws.. we want to fit in these random groups of people whom we mostly do not care about. The fear of being the odd man out sets in. Sad..isnt it?

This is why I get terribly pissed reading success stories and listen to victory speeches. Because there are so many winners and winner speeches, that it looks like its such a common easy thing to win. It looks easy to get to the stage when you ve succeeded and you get to talk about it. Its almost liek writing an SOP.You connect the dots in such a way that it looks like you were born to do the final task. Thats why it looks like achievers always seek something and they manage to 'go after ' something and get it. But the actual truth is that probably they too are just fleeing from one thing to another.
And unfortunately life is in the reverse order. To get to that pinnacle is tough and all success stories and victory speeches have only managed to under describe this arduous journey.

I m probably on the shadow side of things and I m refusing to move to where there is light. May be it takes just one step to go from shadow to light. But like one of my quotes in my 7th std rough notebook said, " Reality is just a very persistent illusion.- Einstein".Hope that helps. :)